Where has the time gone? Twelve years ago I was oblivious to the life changing things that were about to happen to me. The labor, the birth, the NICU, the diapers, the crying, and most of all, the disappearance of time. My baby girl is turning 12. I’m not happy. She is in middle school. I’m not happy. She likes boys. I HATE THIS. Puberty is in full swing. I can deal with this. Most of all, I want my baby back. The little girl who doesn’t kill with her evil glare. Who doesn’t bite your head off for asking how her day was. She isn’t on an emotional roller coaster. That ride done jumped the tracks and is hurtling through space bouncing off every meteor and satellite it comes in contact with. I can deal with all of that. I just want to hold her in my arms one more time. I want to wrap her in a blanket, sit on the porch swing and sing the night away. I miss the baby years. Sometimes I don’t know who my child is anymore. She hates me. I’m quite sure of this fact. Especially since she had our families pictures in her room, framed. Mysteriously, mine got taken out and now there is an empty frame where my picture was. Sitting beside a picture of her dad and her brother. Hmph. I miss the baby steps, the baby smells, the baby problems. You know, kissing boo boos, finding a cartoon that you can bear to watch. Now, I have to watch the best I can for everything and pray that God takes care of her when I’m not there. Soon, she will be driving. She won’t be here. Literally. I will be in this house and she will be gone. Whenever she wants. Wherever she wants. On her own accord. I miss my baby. Where has the time gone?
Simply April said,
February 19, 2008 @ 2:32 pm
I know exactly what you’re going through. I look at my baby boy who is now 15 and all legs, braces, and attitude, and I miss that sweet, chubby cherub that he once was.
I wish I could say it gets easier, but it is doggone hard to have them grow up. Even so, this is the way it is meant to be.
You just have to take comfort in the fact that you’ve raised her to know what is right and good and then trust her to God. Remember, as much as you love her, He loves her more.
Hang in there! She still loves and needs you. ((Hugs))
(The Other) Bluegrass Mama said,
February 19, 2008 @ 3:21 pm
Oh, I so feel your pain! Our 13 YO daughter is the same way. This week for the first time ever she’s even started sleeping with her bedroom door closed, so I can’t even look in on her while she’s asleep (and devoid of attitude). Luckily we’ve been through the teen years once already, albeit with a boy. By the time he went away to college, he’d turned into a great person that we would have loved to have kept at home.
Lisa said,
February 20, 2008 @ 9:23 am
WAH! Me too! Me too!